So instead, I have decided to write a composition for him. My music seems to express the emotions that…..in person…. I cannot. It keeps me from having uncomfortable moments that while forced end up sounding more like, “It puts the lotion on it’s skin.” I have found that while writing a composition–I find relief.  Relief from the well kept pain and anxiety that I bury. I would have to think that there are many people who are an awful lot like myself in this—especially all of us who have gone through painful trauma in youth.

If you are like me…..one piece of advice……don’t force yourself to use words for expression all of the time. Sometimes verbalization through words is simply to much to ask…….allow yourself to use other avenues for expression…….let your music do the talking.

Funny……I have wide and similar taste in music……………I LIKE ALL OF IT. It has always amused me when people get so defensive of one particular band……or musical genre. Someone, let’s say a friend, states that they hate “metal” and then the recipient of that message gets upset. Why?……..I have no idea. Insecurity, perhaps? Trying to find identity in something other than ourselves?

I think that there is something to be said when you are free enough just to be you……..and also open minded enough to be ecclectic.  That’s what I’m striving for anyhow. I look for the best in everything I see…….and then skin just the cream off the top……that way I can find something to like in everything.

I think that when you’re young, you either operate under assumption A.) everyone older than you knows more than you do so shut your yapper and sit down or  B.) no one understands you therefore, nobody’s opinion but yours counts. You want a reality check—neither one of these assumptions alone are going to take you where you want to go in life.  Life,  in general,  may require a little part A.) and a little part B.)—but mostly, a  balance between the two.

That being said, when you find a passionate calling—ahem……maybe music for instance—it can be a lovely career and in your journey towards developing it–or even if you are a veteran of  this career path already–periodically, you find extraordinary lovely criticism and rejection from various sources. The real question that you need to ask yourself is this…….Do You Really Know What Your Love Is?  Hmmmm.  Odd question……..I know.  Let me tell you why I’m asking this question……do you love what you do enough…….that you would be willing to stare in the face of your deepest fear–and still persevere?  I stared in the face of my deepest fear at one point…..and walked away  defeated…….I let a troubling situation take over—but digging deeper—I allowed my fear to take over. My defeat from this period of time set me back mentally for a long time.

But back to the question……Do You Really Know What Your Love Is? Since my time of defeat, over the last few years I have transitioned from loving music…….to hating music (feeling wounded)………to loving it again.  But I never really lost my love for the music, even though I thought I did…… You know what’s cool about that……I realized that music was a genuine passion of mine………something that was going to stick with me for the long haul……and when I realized that  my love for playing music was unconditional—I knew that no matter what I might up doing for a “job” or whatever obsticales might come my way—I would never loose out—becuase I choose to never let this love of mine die.  Call me a musical genious or call me the Maxwell House coffee conisour of  the second violins, but the roads we choose in life are sometimes a result of our own decisions (running towards or away from fear)……and generally the most rewarding roads we choose to walk down are the scariest—–that being said, let me repeat the question…..Do You Really Know What Your Love Is?