Amy’s Darwin Awards for Musical Instrument Destruction
Ever since my parents bought my violin (it’s age is cir. 1840), I have been nervous. Nervous that I might do something to end the life of this prized possession. Periodically, I will look through a Shar catalog, looking for music supplies and find new and improved mounts purposed so that you can hang your violin off your stand…..just the idea of this makes me have to reach for a paper bag…….excuse me……..breathe, Amy breathe………Ok. I’m back……… So this gets me thinking…..in the future, if I do end up destroying my violin….I need to go ahead and prepare to accept the mental anguish of it now……and I will need to know that many others may have ruined their instruments in stupider ways than I did……so, lets call this premature “death therapy”, Bob Wiley. That being said, I have created a Darwin Award list for the death of musical instruments. Here’s a couple stories to start out with—now these two stories are about instruments that were not completely dead….but mostly dead……just give me some time…….. I’m just warming up:
1. David Garrett (the David Beckham/Mr. Bean of concert violin): Mr. Garrett plays a 290 year old Stradivarius violin. Last February, he was coming down a flight of stairs—and wiped out. Royally. Somehow, when he landed, he slid into home, by landing right on top of his violin case. When he opened the case, he found his violin in pieces. The repairs are costing at least 60,000 pounds, and
eight months of restoration. They say the Strad will never sound the same again. Don’t feel too badly for him though…this kid has had a management team since he was eight. (I really need a snarky, snark, snark comment to go right here…….the words are beyond me at the moment.)
2. Name: Anonymous (Los Angeles Philharmonic): I didn’t quite want to be too mean……so I listed this one as anonymous…but it’s a good one. I’ll call him, “Joey.” Joey, had just played a long evening concert….and came home exhausted. He owned a 1684
Stradivarius cello. Not thinking when he opened the front door, he set his cello down and left it outside over night. A teenager (or younger person) spotted the cello, took it, and tried to take off with it on a bicycle. He was so eager to get away…..and so unsteady trying to carry it away that he crashed the cello into some nearby trash bins. Somehow, a nurse found the damaged cello, three days later and thought that it would be a really cool gift for her boyfriend…since he was a carpenter. She thought that he could turn the cello into a C.D. rack. Luckily, it became obvious to whomever that the cello was valuable and it was returned. Lucky Joey.
There is more to come. Just like any Darwin award list, you can’t have just one. If you have heard of any great stories, send them on!
